So I really should get over this...

So I really should get over this and over her too, move on, forget about it, but I just can't and I am so pissed off right now. I said I would never write about her again. But I feel I must. This is only a portion of the shit she put me through and I want everyone to know.

I was only 44 when she came on to me. That's right. She came on to me. Sometimes when she came over to my house, she would look in on me and my husband while we were asleep in our bed. How creepy is that! She told me later about her doing this and I just wish I had known about it from the very beginning.

I was leading a straight life. In fact, I was straight, but I left that life and that lifestyle to be with her. And where does it get me????

She lied to me. She lied over and over again.
She said she loved me and I was the love of her life.
She said she needed me. She said I was her heart and soul.
One of the many things she even wrote was -"m - have I told you how happy I am to have you in my life? and how blessed I am to be able to say that I know you love me.... j"

She lied!!
Everything she has said to me, I am certain she is saying to the person she is with now. But she lies!!

She used me to the point that I lost everything I owned!
Every fucking thing she wanted, I did my best to get it for her!
I took out loan after loan to get her what she wanted! Wedding, boats, house, furniture, business! I worked my ass off for hours at my job trying to pay for all the things she wanted.

She said she would NEVER get married again.
She lied!!

And by the way - she's going to lie to you. I'll bet you two cents she already has. And not once either. Just you fucking wait. She's going to use you too. Let me fill you in, on some more, just in case she has left out details, which I'm sure she has!!

I took out a loan for the wedding and paid out both of OUR wedding rings! Over 2 thousand dollars! I paid off this loan. Not her! I paid for my own wedding ring!! Are you paying for yours?? Congratulations if you aren't. But you will eventually pay for it one way or another.

I paid for her clothing for the wedding and most of the photographer's bill! I paid for our honeymoon. Her parents paid for the other stuff. NOT HER!!! The only thing she paid for is the down payment to the photographer.

She wanted a house - didn't like the one I had. The one I had wasn't good enough for her. So I get her a different house!! Using my land and my old house. Not hers mind you. Mine!

She wanted a boat - she paid for part of the first one and I got a loan, just like she wanted me too and paid for the rest of it!!! The last boat she got - the Tracker - she fucked me over on that too! And then had the gall to lie about how I wasn't there to sign the title. What??? I was at work!!! Working to pay our bills!!! And then has the nerve to always say it was her fucking boat! Damn! The money was from OUR house insurance claim!!!! Joint checking!!! Over 4 thousand dollars of a 6 thousand dollar claim!

She wanted a business - I take out another loan in my name and I got it for her!! For a long time all anyone heard was "You've got to get a loan and get a business open!" So, I do this for her and even this I couldn't do right either apparently!

During this whole process of trying to get the business open - she decides she was going to go work up in another state with the old wannabe girlfriend who screwed her over and used her - but she was going to leave me and go back up there. Pretending that it was because we needed the money. Oh please!!!! I'm not that stupid.

Then to top it all off, knowing I would no longer have any income myself once we opened the business - she tells me that if we lose the house, she is leaving me. Well, isn't that just lovely?? Now what the fuck?? I ask you!

So, if you lose your house, is she going to leave you too???? Oh, I know she gave you 3 thousand dollars not too long after you first got together in order to save your house from foreclosure. Course, her doing that was her way of "sticking it" to a few other people who I won't drag into this and myself.

Then after losing the house, several months later, she wanted me to find some land and/or another house - so I did. I bought it for her. For us!! And what the fuck does she do? Well, of course, she lied about that too. Led me down the merry path once again!

And when she leaves this time, does she say she misses me??? NO! She misses the wannabe girlfriend/partner who screwed her over and used her to get what she wanted. The one that didn't love her. And didn't want to be with her either. Wouldn't give up a straight lifestyle for her. Yes - you read that right. That one was straight too! But here she is - missing the "I won't love you like that and all I want to do is use you" of all people! God! What crazy shit!

She took things from OUR storage building that she never paid rent for and did not belong just to her. She took MY stuff too. And still has some of MY stuff - unless she threw it away - which I highly doubt!

The large tent she has?? Well, it's not hers. It was ours. She now has 3 tents and couldn't be bothered to give me the one that was ours. Have you enjoyed OUR tent??? She is a piece of work I'm telling you!

Then too, she comes back, trying to "get back with me" only to use me again. She wants to come work at what was "our" business in March 2006. Wasn't happy where she was. So she kisses up to me, sleeps with me, tells me she loves me and makes me think we are back together once again, to get what she wants.

While she's there, she is rude to clients and runs a few of them off too. Then when she manics out on me again and leaves in August 2006 she goes back to her old company. Throws the business credit card in my face from across the room. Proceeds to tell me that the business will never be worth a damn, etc. But all of this was after she had agreed to help pay for a thousand dollar advertising bill and also a booth at a city event that the business really couldn't afford. ha! I fucking knew she was going to screw me over. But I was stupid - yet again!! It was a damn good thing I had sense enough not to buy the damn T-Shirts she wanted to use for the booth!!

Oh... and least I forget - she is such a liar that she even lies to little children too! If I hear my granddaughter- the one she thought of as HER child - HER little fishing buddy - say one more time about "When is she coming to take me fishing again?", I think I will scream!! Does she lie to yours??? I'm quite sure she already has and I know she will too.

I am wanting you and everyone to know about just a part of the shit she did to me. The emotional hell she put me through - you will go through too if you truly love her. Because that is how she is. She will take you to hell and back again. Over and over. That isn't to say that she won't occasionally try to make you happy. She will. But in the end, it won't be worth it by the time she has screwed you up and over too!

It's funny - but not really. I never needed any kind of anti-depressants before I got with her. Then after 2 years of her, I was put in such a state of depression and anxiety, that I still suffer from the effects. 10 years of this shit I have suffered through! It's no wonder I am now sick!!

And speaking of dying - if she still has her cemetery plot - I helped pay for that too! I was supposed to be buried there too! We had checked into my name being on the plots with the funeral company. But my name didn't get on it somehow. If shit was in her name - it was ALL hers. I was never entitled to any of it apparently! So don't plan on being buried with her. You best pick out your own place now! Don't plan on her for it!!!

Did you know that even after she got together with you that she was still calling me every month?? Yes. That's right. Every month, the first of the month. Just like clockwork! For months!! It wasn't until I confronted her about her still calling me that she quit.

And then after she finds out I'm sick last Sept., she started texting and calling me again. Oh, and by the way... back in July 2008 on the 27th when she was having her bi-polar attack, she texted me then too. Bet you didn't know that either. And then I hear from her again the end of January this year too! She doesn't really ever want to let go of me. Strange isn't it???

Just so you know - that once she gets through wiping her butt on you, like you are a piece of toilet paper, she will discard you too. Leaving you with nothing but a bunch of bills, pills and heartache!

She really doesn't know what true love is. She doesn't get it. She will never get it and never understand, because she "lives" in the moment. This is the way she is and the way she will always be.

She is bi-polar. She won't take her medicine and get proper treatment and help for this illness. So she screws up her life and everyone else who is around her for any length of time. Especially those who care about her!

With all this being said - I still fucking love her! God help me! I have prayed over and over again that he would take this love I have for her away from me. It gets me nowhere! I have tried to hate her. I am not masochistic either.

I truly love her unconditionally. That is - No matter what she has done to me, the hell she has put me through, I still love her. I would still welcome her back with open arms. I don't understand why and I never will.

Hell - who knows why some people are the way they are. Just so you know, it isn't "sour grapes" with me either. I just want people to know what kind of treatment I got and what type of crap she will dish out to those she says she loves. Oh... and she does cheat too! But that's another set of things about her too and I'm not going to go into that.

So - I'm done. I've ranted and raved. I haven't got this out of my system. I never will either. I just hate what she does.